And still...

Well...despite my last entry, I haven't been handling this thing so well.

I'm REALLY trying tho...

I don't want him to feel like I'm blaming him for what my ex did...but at the same time, he's given me reason not trust him before. So who's to say he wont do it again? I mean he didn't cheat or anything, I don't think...but u kno...whatever.

It's just really hard to almost have to re-live the same exact thing that put me into a DEEP depression...So of course I'm going to be paranoid.

And I keep racking my brain trying to remember exactly what drove my ex to do it but I can't because I blocked that relationship out of my mind. All I think about my ex now is how I hope he dies a slow and painful death.

I know one thing...I really need to stop accusing him. I know guys don't like to hear that shit all the time. But it's gotten to be such a habit, I just HONESTLY can't help it anymore...

Add that to my list of things to work on.

Ok let's move on...I need to think about something else.

So I started my PR class Monday. I was SO excited cuz I'm FINALLY taking the class related to my major. But now, in the class, I feel so inadequate. I feel like everyone in the class is already a PR professional and they already know the business and everything, they are just taking it because it's a requirement. And I feel so DUMB! Like today we were talking about what a business might need dealing with PR and they said something about "publicy held" and "investor relations". I don't know what EITHER of those mean...and I probably should. This is so sad.

How am I going to succeed in this business? I have the WORST confidence, I'm not outgoing, I'm quiet, I hate people...sometimes. I have no faith in myself

Whatever. We'll cross that bridge when we get there...

No weight loss updates right now. I don't have a scale and I've been to stressed to workout. But I've also been too stressed to eat so...ya never kno...

*fAb*