I noticed today, on this glorious day in history, that a lot of people keep saying "My President is BLACK"...and that's fine. Don't get me wrong...it's GREAT. But I feel like we are focusing too much on the color of his skin and not WHO he actually is.
I mean...you could throw any old brotha in there and say "my President is black" but are u sure u would like that person? Are you sure you would trust that person to run your country? Look at who President Obama IS...as a person. He's a GREAT man, a fabulous husband, and a terrific father. And not only that but HE has what it takes to bring TONS of people together. Not every black man has that capability.
Aside from all of that...The Inauguration was wonderful. I didn't go but I was just as content watching it from my warm bed. I was more interested in the behind the scenes stuff than the actual Inauguration...but that's just me. I'm really nosey so I wanted to know what was going on in the limo and stuff. Like really...did anyone else wonder what the conversation between President Obama and Bush was on the way to the ceremony? Had to be awkward right? Like "Soo....how does it feel to be the most hated person in the country?" LOL...I'm sorry....
But yea...HOW cute were Sasha and Malia?? They are SO sophisticated! I just hope they don't rebel in their teen years...That would suck.
And watching the Neighborhood Ball damn near brought my ass to tears. First of all Beyonce killed that song and just imagining how happy she had to have singing it for them...gosh. And the love between Pres. Obama and Michelle! You don't find black men like THAT anymore...darn.
I got kinda pissed off at a few things today...and they are as follows:
* WHY in the HELL did Senator Kennedy have to collapse and take all the light from Obama?? Can they EVER let us have a MOMENT??? DaMn!
* What the fuck was wrong with Mariah's voice during the Neighborhood Ball?
*WHY...oh WHY did Alicia (as much as I love her) have to sing No One for the trillionth time? And what was with her fake tan?? Can we PLEASE get the old Alicia back?
* Why did Aretha have that big ass bow on her hat like she was going to church?
* The Obamas had to go to TEN fuckin Balls??! STARTING at 8:30?? WTF? What time will they sleep???
*Who the hell were those "Anti-gravity" people...CORNBALLS! They shoulda hit up the Jabbawockeez...on some real ish...
Iyanla Vanzant made a valid point today in an interview...We need to start calling him President Obama instead of Barack...As a sign of respect. We didn't call Bush "George"...(but we DID call him a bunch of other things...lol) But no forreal ppl. It's time we rise above...no more "Barack" cuz none of ya'll even know him personally anyway...
Ok now go enjoy the last 2 hours of this historic day...
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Changes...
Since the new year began, I've been thinking about how I'm going to achieve these resolution and IF it's really going to work. Cuz I often say I'm gonna work out and I'm gonna change and blah blah blah but the bottom line is, I'm lazy.
Well today, I got this BURST of mental energy (that's just something I made up). And I think I came up with solutions to 3 of my problems. I thought up a workout plan (in ADDITION to beginning to eat better), I called up a therapist to get that whole POSITIVE attitude change thing started, and I WAS actually positive about something today. His phone got cut off and I have NO way to get in touch with him except when he's online which I don't know when that will be again cuz he also doesn't have his internet on right now...So my positive reaction to this, after I panicked, was that...the time will come. It will eventually get turned back on. It's not like I will NEVER talk to him again.
"The time will come" has been a saying that I have been trying to instill in myself for the past few months. I tend to be very impatient, especially when it comes to things I'm excited about. So I have to keep saying to myself, "the time will come...it IS coming."
For example, I just realized that I am ACTUALLY graduating in exactly 4 months (from today). Not only am I excited about THAT, but I'm excited about the things that come along with it, such as my graduation party that I'M planning...all by myself because I want to be an event planner so I figured why not start with my own party? And it's gonna be FABULOUS! And graduation also brings me moving the HELL out of Richmond. And although I won't be moving back to my beloved NY right now, I'm still pretty ok with where I'm going. There are a few factors deterring me from making a concrete decision but...I think it's gonna work out.
So my goal is to lose 40 pounds in 4 months. I wanna look GREAT for graduation and for my party. This is a big thing...me graduating COLLEGE. Because I'm gonna be the first in my fam...out of ALL of my cousins (and there's alot of them) and my siblings (duh cuz I'm the oldest lol). I would have been the second if my cousin hadn't dropped out in his junior year. I'm really excited yet really scared at the same time. Scared of real life...I don't do so well right now without the help of my parents and the excuse "I'm a student"...so I'm not sure how well I'm gonna do with NONE of that...
Speaking of being scared of not doing well, I start my internship on Friday. I'm SO nervous. I'm not all that great at public relations. In my classes, I just sort of fly by and bullshit. But this is gonna be a real life setting...no help, no babying, nothing...just ME, on my own...I hope I will do well tho...I think I will.
On that note...I'm going to bed.
Well today, I got this BURST of mental energy (that's just something I made up). And I think I came up with solutions to 3 of my problems. I thought up a workout plan (in ADDITION to beginning to eat better), I called up a therapist to get that whole POSITIVE attitude change thing started, and I WAS actually positive about something today. His phone got cut off and I have NO way to get in touch with him except when he's online which I don't know when that will be again cuz he also doesn't have his internet on right now...So my positive reaction to this, after I panicked, was that...the time will come. It will eventually get turned back on. It's not like I will NEVER talk to him again.
"The time will come" has been a saying that I have been trying to instill in myself for the past few months. I tend to be very impatient, especially when it comes to things I'm excited about. So I have to keep saying to myself, "the time will come...it IS coming."
For example, I just realized that I am ACTUALLY graduating in exactly 4 months (from today). Not only am I excited about THAT, but I'm excited about the things that come along with it, such as my graduation party that I'M planning...all by myself because I want to be an event planner so I figured why not start with my own party? And it's gonna be FABULOUS! And graduation also brings me moving the HELL out of Richmond. And although I won't be moving back to my beloved NY right now, I'm still pretty ok with where I'm going. There are a few factors deterring me from making a concrete decision but...I think it's gonna work out.
So my goal is to lose 40 pounds in 4 months. I wanna look GREAT for graduation and for my party. This is a big thing...me graduating COLLEGE. Because I'm gonna be the first in my fam...out of ALL of my cousins (and there's alot of them) and my siblings (duh cuz I'm the oldest lol). I would have been the second if my cousin hadn't dropped out in his junior year. I'm really excited yet really scared at the same time. Scared of real life...I don't do so well right now without the help of my parents and the excuse "I'm a student"...so I'm not sure how well I'm gonna do with NONE of that...
Speaking of being scared of not doing well, I start my internship on Friday. I'm SO nervous. I'm not all that great at public relations. In my classes, I just sort of fly by and bullshit. But this is gonna be a real life setting...no help, no babying, nothing...just ME, on my own...I hope I will do well tho...I think I will.
On that note...I'm going to bed.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
What is perfect anyway?
Well the first day of classes were crazy...Being the impatient bitch that I am, I decided to take 7 classes this semester (a total of 21 credits) all so I could walk in May and get the hell out of Richmond ASAP! And so on Tuesdays I pretty much have class from 9:30 am to 9:40 pm...with a few breaks in between.
I really hate the beginning of the semester because my mind is SO jumbled and there's just always a bunch of confusion. "Where should I buy my books?", "WHEN should I buy my books?", "Which books do I ABSOLUTELY need RIGHT now?", "Where am I gonna get the money?"...and it just so happens that 3 of my 7 seven class have more than 3 required books...yay me.
I got myself into some ISH last night buddy...I don't even know how to explain what happened. All I can say is, I probably wont be in communication with my dad or stepmom for a while...and I'm completely fine with it. I'm so pissed at them for always trying to make me feel bad...whether it be intentional or not. And I'm tired of my stepmom always making me out to be punk. What was one of my resolutions? Get a backbone right? Well...I'm starting here. And my mom didn't help my situation any...anything she said to him was her OWN words and came from her OWN feelings against him.
On another note, I was thinking about my relationship today as I was watching Sex and the City (greatest show EVER by the way). In the episode I was watching, Carrie was trying so hard to figure out why her relationship was so perfect and what flaw Aidan had, if any. She even went to the lengths of taking a little breather from because he was so perfect...
I kno right...
Well anyway, it got me to thinking. Why do we, as women, LOOK for flaws in a relationship? Why do we look for a challenge? And then when it's not perfect, we wonder why. Lately, I've been thinking alot about how I've been acting regarding him and I'm kinda out of control...I'm trying to be more trusting of him so today when I presented a challenge, I had to figure out how to deal with it. And I had to take a step back (to last week to be exact) and I realized something, for it to be easier for me to trust him, I need to start thinking about the him that I KNOW, not the him that I FEAR. And by fear I mean the him that I think about when I envision him with someone else, or the him that would cheat on me, or the him that doesn't care about me. Because I know he does, and DEEP DEEP DEEP down, I know he wouldn't do that to me...I think.
I think I watch too much t.v. And I fault that for my perception on what a relationship should be...and I HUGELY fault that for my thinking about all these cheating possibilites. I dunno...Maybe I found my Aidan and I've just been too blind to see it...
I really hate the beginning of the semester because my mind is SO jumbled and there's just always a bunch of confusion. "Where should I buy my books?", "WHEN should I buy my books?", "Which books do I ABSOLUTELY need RIGHT now?", "Where am I gonna get the money?"...and it just so happens that 3 of my 7 seven class have more than 3 required books...yay me.
I got myself into some ISH last night buddy...I don't even know how to explain what happened. All I can say is, I probably wont be in communication with my dad or stepmom for a while...and I'm completely fine with it. I'm so pissed at them for always trying to make me feel bad...whether it be intentional or not. And I'm tired of my stepmom always making me out to be punk. What was one of my resolutions? Get a backbone right? Well...I'm starting here. And my mom didn't help my situation any...anything she said to him was her OWN words and came from her OWN feelings against him.
On another note, I was thinking about my relationship today as I was watching Sex and the City (greatest show EVER by the way). In the episode I was watching, Carrie was trying so hard to figure out why her relationship was so perfect and what flaw Aidan had, if any. She even went to the lengths of taking a little breather from because he was so perfect...
I kno right...Well anyway, it got me to thinking. Why do we, as women, LOOK for flaws in a relationship? Why do we look for a challenge? And then when it's not perfect, we wonder why. Lately, I've been thinking alot about how I've been acting regarding him and I'm kinda out of control...I'm trying to be more trusting of him so today when I presented a challenge, I had to figure out how to deal with it. And I had to take a step back (to last week to be exact) and I realized something, for it to be easier for me to trust him, I need to start thinking about the him that I KNOW, not the him that I FEAR. And by fear I mean the him that I think about when I envision him with someone else, or the him that would cheat on me, or the him that doesn't care about me. Because I know he does, and DEEP DEEP DEEP down, I know he wouldn't do that to me...I think.
I think I watch too much t.v. And I fault that for my perception on what a relationship should be...and I HUGELY fault that for my thinking about all these cheating possibilites. I dunno...Maybe I found my Aidan and I've just been too blind to see it...
Sunday, January 11, 2009
New Year's Resolutions
* Be more positive
* Lose 40 (or more) pounds by August
* All A's and B's this semester
* Save money
* Make better decisions regarding EVERYTHING
* Stop being so dependent on him (regarding my happiness)
* Be FUNNER!
* Be more trusting of myself AND of other people
* Start loving ME
* Make more friends...maybe even female...MAYBE
* Be more I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T
* Create my OWN style
* Get a Backbone!!
* Succeed
Don't be behind in 2009!!!
* Lose 40 (or more) pounds by August
* All A's and B's this semester
* Save money
* Make better decisions regarding EVERYTHING
* Stop being so dependent on him (regarding my happiness)
* Be FUNNER!
* Be more trusting of myself AND of other people
* Start loving ME
* Make more friends...maybe even female...MAYBE
* Be more I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T
* Create my OWN style
* Get a Backbone!!
* Succeed
Don't be behind in 2009!!!
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Yes...It's been a while
Well what's been going on with me?
LOTS!
My life right now...is kind of in shambles. I quit my dead end job because I just COULDN'T handle it anymore. How sad is it that I would rather be broke and destitute than getting paid $10 an hour and being treated like crap? yes...it was THAT bad...
The relationship...I don't even know what's going on there...I just left from spending a few days with him. A few GREAT days...and then once I got back home, everything went downhill. And for the past few days, I have been constantly feeling like he wants more...or better. And like he's possibly already found it. And honestly, I give up. I don't know what more I can do to keep this man interested in me. I've done ALL I can and it's not enough...
The homefront...Well last night my mother and I got into a huge argument...mainly because she was upset that I didn't tell her why me and him were arguing. So she went off on this tangent about how I'm nothing and I'm failing school (which is totally NOT the case) because all I can focus on is him...and how I'm throwing my life away by moving down there to be with him instead of basically staying in the dead-end ass town or moving back to NY with NO money and no career...Basically alot of things she said were contradictory and out of anger because the night before the argument, she was commending me for doing so well in school because she heard my school was really hard. And she even went as far as to compare me to my cousin and his baby's mother because they are REALLY dead-beats. And I PRAY that that comparison was really made out of anger...because seriously...ugh. I have no words...
Right now, I'm just really frustrated with life. I feel like I have no hold on things. I can't get to the bottom of most of my problems leaving me with this feeling of "unresolvedness"...And it's really starting to take it's toll on me. And no one cares. Everyone thinks I'm over-exaggerating and no one seems to be taking me seriously...which is making it worse...
I really can't even type anymore because I know no one reads this...so it's pointless...
LOTS!
My life right now...is kind of in shambles. I quit my dead end job because I just COULDN'T handle it anymore. How sad is it that I would rather be broke and destitute than getting paid $10 an hour and being treated like crap? yes...it was THAT bad...
The relationship...I don't even know what's going on there...I just left from spending a few days with him. A few GREAT days...and then once I got back home, everything went downhill. And for the past few days, I have been constantly feeling like he wants more...or better. And like he's possibly already found it. And honestly, I give up. I don't know what more I can do to keep this man interested in me. I've done ALL I can and it's not enough...
The homefront...Well last night my mother and I got into a huge argument...mainly because she was upset that I didn't tell her why me and him were arguing. So she went off on this tangent about how I'm nothing and I'm failing school (which is totally NOT the case) because all I can focus on is him...and how I'm throwing my life away by moving down there to be with him instead of basically staying in the dead-end ass town or moving back to NY with NO money and no career...Basically alot of things she said were contradictory and out of anger because the night before the argument, she was commending me for doing so well in school because she heard my school was really hard. And she even went as far as to compare me to my cousin and his baby's mother because they are REALLY dead-beats. And I PRAY that that comparison was really made out of anger...because seriously...ugh. I have no words...
Right now, I'm just really frustrated with life. I feel like I have no hold on things. I can't get to the bottom of most of my problems leaving me with this feeling of "unresolvedness"...And it's really starting to take it's toll on me. And no one cares. Everyone thinks I'm over-exaggerating and no one seems to be taking me seriously...which is making it worse...
I really can't even type anymore because I know no one reads this...so it's pointless...
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Now answer me this....
If your significant other received a text message with the words "i love u n miss u"..and it WASNT from you...shouldn't you wonder? wouldn't you be just a TAD curious?
Now...if YOU, on the other hand, received a text asking "are you in for the nite?" (with the sub-context of that text meaning {I want to see you}, but it also wasn't from your significant other, wouldn't that ALSO be kinda wrong?
But tell me this, which one is worse? A or B? A right?
I'm sorry...but u dont "love n miss" a "friend"...not under the circumstances of which they met...
Men...damn shame.
*more on this story later...
*fAb*
Now...if YOU, on the other hand, received a text asking "are you in for the nite?" (with the sub-context of that text meaning {I want to see you}, but it also wasn't from your significant other, wouldn't that ALSO be kinda wrong?
But tell me this, which one is worse? A or B? A right?
I'm sorry...but u dont "love n miss" a "friend"...not under the circumstances of which they met...
Men...damn shame.
*more on this story later...
*fAb*
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
And still...
Well...despite my last entry, I haven't been handling this thing so well.
I'm REALLY trying tho...
I don't want him to feel like I'm blaming him for what my ex did...but at the same time, he's given me reason not trust him before. So who's to say he wont do it again? I mean he didn't cheat or anything, I don't think...but u kno...whatever.
It's just really hard to almost have to re-live the same exact thing that put me into a DEEP depression...So of course I'm going to be paranoid.
And I keep racking my brain trying to remember exactly what drove my ex to do it but I can't because I blocked that relationship out of my mind. All I think about my ex now is how I hope he dies a slow and painful death.
I know one thing...I really need to stop accusing him. I know guys don't like to hear that shit all the time. But it's gotten to be such a habit, I just HONESTLY can't help it anymore...
Add that to my list of things to work on.
Ok let's move on...I need to think about something else.
So I started my PR class Monday. I was SO excited cuz I'm FINALLY taking the class related to my major. But now, in the class, I feel so inadequate. I feel like everyone in the class is already a PR professional and they already know the business and everything, they are just taking it because it's a requirement. And I feel so DUMB! Like today we were talking about what a business might need dealing with PR and they said something about "publicy held" and "investor relations". I don't know what EITHER of those mean...and I probably should. This is so sad.
How am I going to succeed in this business? I have the WORST confidence, I'm not outgoing, I'm quiet, I hate people...sometimes. I have no faith in myself
Whatever. We'll cross that bridge when we get there...
No weight loss updates right now. I don't have a scale and I've been to stressed to workout. But I've also been too stressed to eat so...ya never kno...
*fAb*
I'm REALLY trying tho...
I don't want him to feel like I'm blaming him for what my ex did...but at the same time, he's given me reason not trust him before. So who's to say he wont do it again? I mean he didn't cheat or anything, I don't think...but u kno...whatever.
It's just really hard to almost have to re-live the same exact thing that put me into a DEEP depression...So of course I'm going to be paranoid.
And I keep racking my brain trying to remember exactly what drove my ex to do it but I can't because I blocked that relationship out of my mind. All I think about my ex now is how I hope he dies a slow and painful death.
I know one thing...I really need to stop accusing him. I know guys don't like to hear that shit all the time. But it's gotten to be such a habit, I just HONESTLY can't help it anymore...
Add that to my list of things to work on.
Ok let's move on...I need to think about something else.
So I started my PR class Monday. I was SO excited cuz I'm FINALLY taking the class related to my major. But now, in the class, I feel so inadequate. I feel like everyone in the class is already a PR professional and they already know the business and everything, they are just taking it because it's a requirement. And I feel so DUMB! Like today we were talking about what a business might need dealing with PR and they said something about "publicy held" and "investor relations". I don't know what EITHER of those mean...and I probably should. This is so sad.
How am I going to succeed in this business? I have the WORST confidence, I'm not outgoing, I'm quiet, I hate people...sometimes. I have no faith in myself
Whatever. We'll cross that bridge when we get there...
No weight loss updates right now. I don't have a scale and I've been to stressed to workout. But I've also been too stressed to eat so...ya never kno...
*fAb*
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